It seems the ghost of the Smiley Face is rearing it's silly head again. Even in the midst of debilitating economic gloom and doom, people are insisting that we all "have a happy day." Maybe this trend has its roots in the dictum every parent is expected to follow: build your child's self-esteem at all costs. I'm so relieved that the days of playground political correctness are behind me, a venue for mothers to literally or figuratively applaud their child's every gesture with the repetitive, "Good job!" While encouragement and praise are appropriate for some occasions, junior needn't be constantly reminded that he's done well. Nor does he need a trophy for each athletic team he participated in, just for showing up. This incessant optimism has filtered into the adult world over the past couple of decades, to the point that I wonder if the general populace walks around expecting a pat on the back multiple times a day.
The prevailing wisdom suggests that we all join in the self-congratulatory, affirmation business, regardless of whatever bad, sad or unfair event occurs. Barbara Ehrenreich has written a new book on this subject, "Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America." Ehrenreich was moved to write about the keep-your-chin-up-no-matter-what philosophy after learning she had breast cancer. The pink-ribboned, teddy-beared world felt oppressive to her. She argues she was made to feel guilty and gutless for the natural reaction any of us would have to such a diagnosis, i.e., dread and fear. The implication appeared to be one should welcome the disease as an opportunity for growth and refuse to entertain any dark, conflicted emotions.
While I believe a possibly fatal illness should be met with strength and a desire to fight, I doubt many people are boundlessly enthusiastic when the doctor finds the Big C. Ehrenreich's experience is a worst-case scenario. What about those of us who are simply having a bad day and don't feel like grinning and bearing it? I'm not advocating lamenting your woes and crying in your beer, but there's nothing wrong with the obvious conclusion, "this sucks" either. I'm reminded of an episode from the classic TV series, The Twilight Zone, in which an ordinary young woman refuses to conform to being physically remade into a perfect, beautiful model. When her mother expresses concern over her melancholy mood, she advises her daughter to take "a sunshine pill." The girl protests that she doesn't want to artificially blot out her state of mind, any more than she wants plastic surgery to turn her into a replica of all the other beautiful, identical people around her. In 2009 we are living in Rod Serling's futuristic world, bombarded by drug commercials during the evening news, leaving us wondering if we have a host of ailments from depression to restless leg syndrome to erectile dysfunction.
I for one am irritated by internet postings from perpetually upbeat types who share their personal strivings for the poorman's nirvana. These comments wish everyone a splendiferous day full of blessings and harmony, followed by an unforgivable number of exclamation points. I'm equally perturbed by people who feel the need to instruct me to "smile" when I'm wearing a neutral expression appropos of nothing, except boredom or a vague longing for something I can't quite articulate. Isn't it acceptable to feel the way you feel, without having the thought police chastise you for not getting with the program and eradicating emotions which may serve a vital purpose along the path? How can we appreciate elation and happiness if we haven't suffered some slings and arrows? There would be no frame of reference for joy were it not for the experience and acknowledgment of some measure of pain.
A few days ago my Facebook status complained of yet another soggy Georgia day. Someone posted the comment, "This rain is awesome. It's God's calling card." Nonsense. Rain is welcome in times of drought. After weeks of record rainfall one can hardly call a day of non-stop precipitation, "awesome." Tell that to the flood victims. Rejoicing over all the Fates have handed out strikes me as a disconnect from reality. Yes, we should try to make the best of things and convert those lemons to lemonade. But to go blithely into that gentle day and night, pretending we don't have a care in the world, is a recipe for a homogenous, monochromatic world screaming for diversity and color.
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I'm probably guilty on this one. Probably try to turn people from their darkness way too often. But the blues are contagious and who wants to spread that contagion.
ReplyDeleteIs there a moral obligation to try and help lift the species out of collective existential nausea? I am not sure (another gross character flaw).
Years ago someone told me it was a good idea to limit self-pity to ten minutes a day. That's a little too rigid a policy for me but I like the sentiment.
How about "Be well".
I read a book once where this exercise is suggested: one gets a trusted buddy to do a "State your Complaint" process... enabling each to bitch about what's bothering them, without judgment. I am lucky I have a friend I can do this with. It really defuses built up resentments.
ReplyDeleteTom, I personally feel there IS an ethical obligation for individuals to uplift the species. In Buddhism, this is one of the goals of enlightenment.
There's no denying there is too much denial in this society. Pollyannaism is a mask for great hurt and pain. People feel the need to put up a brave front, because life is often such a struggle. I can't blame them for this.
The problem is that they keep shoving down the painful emotions and eventually become numb. They no longer feel empathy for others. THIS, I feel, is what Barbara E. may have been referring to when the Thought Police came after her to buck up & stay positive during her grueling bout with cancer. People have so much of their own pain they don't want to deal with it in others.
Accept, of course, for the more enlightened in our society.
pragmatically posed...an accomplishment - what witnessed is rebound from the constant attack and defend in the world of reality among our citizens and,yet,when among friends, we find solace in siren sentiments of comfort...
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