Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Paleo Philistines

The Caveman is back in vogue. Not the Neanderthals in the Geico commercials, but the hunter-gatherer diet and lifestyle kick. An article from the New York Times Style section digs into the New Age Paleo Movement, whose converts adhere to a regimen fit for Fred Flintstone. The Paleos aim to replicate conditions our prehistoric ancestors endured. They stock deep freeze storage lockers with butcher-sized slabs of red meat. They leap from boulders, fast between meals and regularly donate blood, since all those nasty tussles with mastodons caused real Cavemen to lose some serious plasma. The Paleos do workouts that make ours look like Gymboree.

I wonder what's on their bookshelves? After all, the printing press wasn't around in the B.C. era. Drawings on cave walls passed for the current reading material of the day. Given the sad state of literacy in America, what with all the latest iPhone apps and digital daily feed, who needs books? Maybe listening to audio versions of great works during your commute counts. Those fireside grunting sessions were the precursors of the oral tradition. If you're living the Paleo way, you can't be bothered with frivolity like delving into a dense novel. You're too busy flexing important muscles--the ones used to do battle with beasts to put dinner on the table.

So what's the missing link? The one between carnivorous "health nuts" of today seeking an edge in the competitive arena and the literary lapses of the average Joe, the New Millennium Philistine? The following conversation I had the other night: After a reference was made to the film Gone With The Wind, I asked an acquaintance if, in addition to seeing the movie, he had read the book. Yes, he said, he had years ago. "But I haven't read the sequel, The Scarlet Letter." When I pointed out that the two novels had no correlation, were in fact written in different centuries by different people, my friend was not convinced. "I'll Google it," he said.

Dear Reader, weren't you put through the laborious tribulations of Hester Prynne in the eighth
grade? Do you know the difference between Nathaniel Hawthorne and Margaret Mitchell? The nineteenth century from the twentieth? Please leave comments yea or nay. For now, it's safe to assume my social circle may not include any future Jeopardy champions.